I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize