I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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