i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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