Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
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I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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