vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
