I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
