im drinking this country out of the recession.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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