it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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