her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
