he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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