i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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