drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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