You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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