is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
