Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
