Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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