i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
