Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
