He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We smell like vodka and hangover
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