can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
