I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
