What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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