Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
