you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
