What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
