Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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