Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
