is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
