her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
