the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
