Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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