singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
