i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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