I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
