So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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