after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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