hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
