so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
