a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The cops high fived after they tackled you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
