He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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