Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
