She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize