I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize