The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
