I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
