So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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