please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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