I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
