So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.