my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.