Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.