I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
