guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.