Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT