remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
