Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
