my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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