I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
