I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
