He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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