Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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