Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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