I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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