Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
