Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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