i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
handjob tips. give me some.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
