OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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