Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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