How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
